Skip to main content

Amy Bloom: "Blunt Instrument"

 It's a cliche about university professors that they tend to show signs of arrested development--they can behave in dramatic, adolescent ways, and that's fun to observe. At Yale, I had a professor whose Chaucer-expert spouse had recently started a high-profile affair with a grad student. So my professor began wearing thigh-high leather boots and speaking publicly about the dalliance she was enjoying with her new house-painter. (She also began teaching a course called "Doomed Love.")


One of my other teachers was Amy Bloom, who has just now released an academic satire disguised as a murder mystery. Bloom's protagonist is Dell, a failed scholar. (Dell's work deteriorated after her mother died. "I did all the things you're not supposed to do. I yelled at students. I arrived late. Cried for most of the ninety minutes." Then, she adds proudly, "I did NOT have sex with undergraduates...only because depression made it unappealing and Prozac made it unlikely to be rewarding....")

Now, working as a PI, Dell has been summoned to a local campus to solve an English-department murder. She attends a dinner where the elderly luminaries doze on armchairs, and a scholarship student quietly checks to be sure that no one has had a stroke. Dell learns that, when a scholar wishes to signal that he is having a temper tantrum, he removes his nameplate from the center of his office door. ("Hellzapoppin!") ...In my favorite scene, Dell shares her thoughts about the university president's work environment: "Dr. Cutty's door was shut. I heard a hum of well-bred voices. Solid wood doors make eavesdropping much harder...In my building, you can not only hear your neighbors' discussion, but you can offer color commentary and enjoy some real give-and-take..."

There is an actual murder plot--which is not the main reason to read this book. The main reason is the sense--the rare sense--that this is a thriller with an actual commitment to wit and to well-built sentences.

So: recommended.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

How to Host a Baby

-You have assumed responsibility for a mewling, puking ball of life, a yellow-lab pup. He will spit his half-digested kibble all over your shoes, all over your hard-cover edition of Jennifer Haigh's novel  Faith . He will eat your tables, your chairs, your "I {Heart] Montessori" magnet, placed too low on the fridge. When you try to watch Bette Davis in  Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte , on your TV, your dog will bark through the murder-prologue, for no apparent reason. He will whimper through Lena Dunham's  Girls , such that you have to rewind several times to catch every nuance of Andrew Rannells's ad-libbing--and, still, you'll have a nagging suspicion you've missed something. Your dog will poop on the kitchen floor, in the hallway, between the tiny bars of his crate. He'll announce his wakefulness at 5 AM, 2 AM, or while you and another human are mid-coitus. All this, and you get outside, and it's: "Don't let him pee on my tulips!" When...

My Favorite Pop Song

  One thing I admire about Prince is his weirdly pretentious verses: Dream, if you can, a courtyard-- An ocean of violets in bloom. Also: Touch, if you will, my stomach. Feel how it trembles inside. No one else writes like this. Did people try to shoot down these choices? Did a producer say, "We'd like to rethink this one... Touch, if you will, my stomach...."  I can't help but wonder. But it's the chorus that makes this a classic. It's direct and universal--and it ends with that bizarre flourish, the allusion to "the crying doves." (Prince's song was number one in America for quite a while; it defeated Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark.") How can you just leave me standing-- Alone in a world that's so cold? Maybe I'm just too demanding. Maybe I'm just like my father--too bold. Maybe you're just like my mother; She's never satisfied. Why do we scream at each other? This is what it sounds like when doves cr...

Raymond Carver: "What's in Alaska?"

Outside, Mary held Jack's arm and walked with her head down. They moved slowly on the sidewalk. He listened to the scuffing sounds her shoes made. He heard the sharp and separate sound of a dog barking and above that a murmuring of very distant traffic.  She raised her head. "When we get home, Jack, I want to be fucked, talked to, diverted. Divert me, Jack. I need to be diverted tonight." She tightened her hold on his arm. He could feel the dampness in that shoe. He unlocked the door and flipped the light. "Come to bed," she said. "I'm coming," he said. He went to the kitchen and drank two glasses of water. He turned off the living-room light and felt his way along the wall into the bedroom. "Jack!" she yelled. "Jack!" "Jesus Christ, it's me!" he said. "I'm trying to get the light on." He found the lamp, and she sat up in bed. Her eyes were bright. He pulled the stem on the alarm and b...