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Broadway

 In the conditional love song, two people have to pair off *without* pairing off. We in the audience see their chemistry--even if they themselves do *not* see their chemistry.


The two halves of the song can be mildly antagonistic ("People Will Say We're in Love"). Or the duet can be reasonably peaceful--but with a "this-is-just-pretend" theme ("They Say It's Wonderful"). It's worth noting that Oscar Hammerstein wrote a disproportionately large number of conditional love songs. And--though Irving Berlin *apparently* wrote "Annie, Get Your Gun"--there is a persistent rumor that Hammerstein was "Gun"'s ghostwriter.

My own favorite conditional love song is "I'll Know," from "Guys and Dolls." Ostensibly, the two leads are arguing. Sarah Brown insists that her lover will be a version of Ned Flanders. Sky suggests that love should be a bit less predictable. Sky quietly mocks Sarah, making reference to a tradition in which "quality" suits are sold with multiple pairs of pants (since pants will wear out long before a suit jacket). "You'll know you've found your man," says Sky. "You'll know at a glance by the two-pair of pants."

Sky has the ravishing climax of the song:

I'll know when my love comes along--
I'll know in my heart.
I'll know--and I won't ever ask...
"Am I right? Am I wise? Am I smart?"
But I'll stop--and I'll stare--
At that face in the throng...
Yes, I'll know when my love comes along.

At the very end, the two leads sing together. The words don't matter--what matters is that they are singing in unison.

Perfect twist.

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