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Back to School Night

 I'm not whining. I do think it's strange that the public school system requires parents to endure a tedious "orientation" program in the spring--when the same bland material is re-rehearsed for parents the following autumn.


David Sedaris once wrote a scathing review of a local elementary school's production of "A Christmas Carol," and I often think about this piece.

At "Back to School Night," the greatest tension resulted from a discussion about reusable water bottles. I find the bottle obsession to be absurd. In my childhood, you just made a stop at the public drinking fountain. Now, each little pre-K diva needs a Nalgene, as if he or she were Audra McDonald, replenishing fluids during a Carnegie Hall recital of Schubert's German art songs.

But my daughter's teacher shocked all parents by demanding *two* water bottles per student. There was then a lengthy, baffling speech about the lunch basket and the snack basket--and the problem of needing your water bottle at lunch and discovering that, in fact, it is stranded back in the snack basket (which never makes its way to the lunch room). I generally don't pay close attention to plot--but even I noticed that there were many, many holes in this story. It's a story that makes you rethink the meaning of the word "reusable."

Somehow--at Parent Night--the room rediscovered its equilibrium. Then, I began to receive semi-frantic texts from my son's behavioral therapist--back home, a poop had occurred, and the poop had *not* remained in the toilet bowl.

Another evening reached its conclusion.
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