My son's worst behavior occurred over the summer. His teacher had disappeared--in her place, a twenty-year-old materialized. The classroom became chaotic, and my son expressed his distress by trying to poop in my backyard.
There is a long history of autistic kids having an idiosyncratic relationship to poop. If you have a developmental delay, then your behavior around poop can resemble a toddler's behavior--and we all know what toddlers can do with their poop.
Staring in horror through my kitchen window, I wondered which of my sins had led to this moment of cosmic retribution.
*I do not read the school emails about the local kid-friendly production of "Cinderella" and the district-wide "move-a-thon."
*I am withdrawn. I know that lowkey behavior around an impulsive kid is a good move--but I take this idea to the extremes. Being lowkey is different from being withdrawn.
*I permit screenings of the Simpsons "Treehouse of Horror" segments. These are not fully innocuous. Anyone might struggle with the images of Demonic Groundskeeper Willie or the haunted "Krusty Bed."
We switched neurologists. I'm proud of this move. The former "hire" was a beleaguered, disorganized person who tried to frame her chronic lateness as a virtue: "I am giving every patient the time that s/he needs." Our new doctor is punctual, creative, and attentive; in other words, he does not accept insurance.
"Can I look at your child's ankle joints?" says Neurologist II.
My son is on the warpath; he does not want to be in this office.
"Go ahead, take a look," I say. (There is no universe in which ankle joints will be anywhere near a top-ten priority for me. Nowhere in the near future.)
My son begins kicking and scratching. "Well," says the neurologist, "I can't complete the examination right now." And we look at each other and shrug. Up is up. Down is down. Buttercups are yellow; the sky is blue.
"Definitely consider returning to the physiatrist...."
I murmur something unintelligible.
Josh grabs an organic pomegranate lollipop--and we're out the door.
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