Liars and Saints

“Beatriz at Dinner”: It’s a hero’s journey, disguised. There’s an ordinary world. Beatriz lives in a modest part of California, and hangs out with her goat. She gives massages. She believes some silly things about healing powers and the spirit. You might want to think of her as saintly. But she isn’t that. Mike White is aware. Beatriz is really like Laura Dern’s character in “Enlightened”: she’s a passive-aggressive mess. We don’t for a moment doubt that that goat would be sort of annoying to the neighbors. And: It actually isn’t professional to sob about your pet goat when you’re on the job. Beatriz is genuinely exasperating. That’s part of the craftiness of Mike White’s virtuosic brain. A summons to an Enchanted World: While at work, Beatriz discovers that her car has broken down. She has to stay, for a while, at Connie Britton’s mansion. She offers to remain in her broken car and wait for a friend. But Connie Britton, in a fit of white guilt, says, “No, no, you must attend this ...

We don’t spend adequate time considering the profound weirdness and intelligence of “When Doves Cry.” Dig, if you will, the picture Of you and I engaged in a kiss The sweat of your body covers me Can you, my darling, Can you picture this? Dream, if you can, a courtyard An ocean of violets in bloom Animals strike curious poses They feel the heat The heat between me and you How can you just leave me standing? Alone in a world that's so cold (so cold) Maybe I'm just too demanding Maybe I'm just like my father, too bold Maybe you're just like my mother She's never satisfied (she's never satisfied) Why do we scream at each other? This is what it sounds like  When doves cry Touch, if you will, my stomach Feel how it trembles inside You've got the butterflies... all tied up... Don't make me chase you Even doves have pride How could you just leave me standing? Alone in a world so cold? (world so cold) Maybe I'm just too demanding Maybe I'...

Have I got a girl for you! Wait till you meet her! Have I got a girl for you, boy! Hoo, boy! Dumb! And with a weakness for Sazerac Slings! You give her even the fruit and she swings. The kind of girl you can't send through the mails! Call me tomorrow, I want the details. Have I got a chick for you! Wait till you meet her! Have I got a chick for you, boy! Hoo, boy! Smart! And into all those exotic mystiques-- The Kama Sutra and Chinese techniques. I hear she knows more than seventy-five. Call me tomorrow if you're still alive! Have I got a girl for you! Wait till you meet her! Have I got a girl for you, boy! Hoo, boy! Boy! To be in your shoes what I wouldn't give! I mean the freedom to go out and live! And as for settling down and all that, Marriage may be where it's been, but it's not where it's at. Whaddya like? You like coming home to a kiss? Somebody with a smile at the door? Whaddya like? You like indescribable bliss? Then whaddya ...

This is a man who thinks with his heart, His heart is not always wise. This is a man who stumbles and falls, But this is a man who tries. This is a man you'll forgive and forgive, And help protect, as long as you live... He will not always say What you would have him say, But now and then he'll do Something Wonderful. He has a thousand dreams That won't come true, You know that he believes in them And that's enough for you. You'll always go along, Defend him where he's wrong And tell him, when he's strong He is Wonderful He'll always Needs your love And so he'll get your love. A man who needs your love Can be Wonderful. I’ve noted before that Hammerstein pioneered the “If I Loved You” song. This was a way to sneak a love song into the First Act. Of course the lovers wouldn’t really unite until the final moments; they had to hate each other first, for quite a while, or you wouldn’t have a story. But it sucks to ...

Those smug little men with their smug little schemes They forgot one thing: The play isn't over by a long shot yet! There are heroes in the world, Princes and heroes in the world, And one of them will save us. Wait and see! Wait and see! There won't be trumpets or bolts of fire To say he's coming. No Roman candles, no angels' choir, No sound of distant drumming. He may not be the cavalier, Tall and graceful, fair and strong. Doesn't matter, just as long as he comes along! But not with trumpets or lightning flashing Or shining armor. He may be daring, he may be dashing, Or maybe he's a farmer. We can wait, what's another day? He has lots of hills to climb. And a hero Doesn't come till the nick of time! Don't look for trumpets or whistles tooting To guarantee him! There won't be trumpets, but sure as shooting You'll know him when you see him! Don't know when, don't know ...

[CZOLGOSZ] It takes a lot of men to make a gun, Hundreds, Many men to make a gun: Men in the mines To dig the iron, Men in the mills To forge the steel, Men at machines To turn the barrel, Mold the trigger, Shape the wheel- It takes a lot of men to make a gun... One gun... [BOOTH] And all you have to do Is move your little finger, Move your little finger and- You can change the world. Why should you be blue When you've your little finger? Prove how just a little finger Can change the world. [CZOLGOSZ] I hate this gun... [GUITEAU] What a wonder is a gun! What a versatile invention! First of all, when you've a gun- Everybody pays attention. When you think what must be done, Think of all that it can do: Remove a scoundrel, Unite a party, Preserve the Union, Promote the sales of my book, Insure my future, My niche in history, And then the world will see That I am not a man to overlook! Ha-ha...

I feel you, Johanna I feel you I was half convinced I'd waken, Satisfied enough to dream you Happily I was mistaken Johanna I'll steal you, Johanna I'll steal you Do they think that walls can hide you? Even now I'm at your window I am in the dark beside you Buried sweetly in your yellow hair I feel you, Johanna And one day, I'll steal you, 'Til I'm with you then I'm with you there, Sweetly buried in your yellow hair. This is among Sondheim's most famous love songs. Bernadette Peters uses it in concert. It was first performed by Victor Garber, in the Broadway debut of "Sweeney Todd," and Garber went on to appear in the James Cameron movie "Titanic"--and now you can see him in "Hello, Dolly!" The song is like something from "Porgy and Bess." I'm sure that's deliberate. Sondheim admires P and B because the verses pack a great deal of meaning into simple language--"fish are j...